Day Twenty-four: red lipstick. repeat meals. 501 must-visit destinations. the middle of "not okay."

Tonight, I made the same goat cheese and asparagus tart that I made this day. It was still delicious, but I changed a few things. What I learned:
-Fresh tomatoes are way better than canned. Obviously.
-Pesto was not a good addition (I just added it to a corner. Bleh)
-Avocado was a decent addition, especially with the fresh lemon juice/oil mixture.
-Asparagus tastes much better in-season.
-I miss the fudge we made last time for dessert. Haha. /:

Today, I made an appointment to see a chiropractor/masseuse. (: I'm super nervous to go.




I also did a mini-grocery shopping round and picked up a few things. Asparagus. Milk (so I can make chai). Red lipstick. You know, the usual. This is honestly my FIRST lipstick purchase in my entire life. My friend Lindsey said that it's one of the things you have to do before you become a "real" adult. I think I'm now a "real" adult. I'm nervous to wear it... but I think I will to work tomorrow. If I keep everything else neutral, I will be just fiiiine. Right? Right? (: PS I don't always look this angry.




I'm reading this book called 501 Must-Visit Destinations. I love it. It has pictures and descriptions of places around the world and what to do/see in those places. I might try to add one or two places in some upcoming blogs. For today, I would like to go to Monet's Garden at Giverny in France. Mmhmm. Yes, please. I wouldn't mind stopping in Paris or something while I'm over there.






PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my lovely BFF Amber (:


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Writing Challenge Day 24
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.


Everything’s OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be okay? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?



// Everything is going to be okay. (I hate this. It's cliche. It's obnoxious. It's what we say when we don't know what to say. I say it, too, but that's not what I want to hear. Just let me be upset or angry. Let me cry my eyes out. I need to be mad. Listen to me. Hug me. I do not need to hear that someday, things are going to be better. I can't fathom that when I'm hurt. I don't want to. I just need to dwell in the everything is not okay and know that it IS okay for me to be there. In everything is not okay. )

// Everything is not okay. (I like this. It's honest. It's real. Life is hard. People are confusing. I've gotten good at putting on a good "performance" of happiness and joy. We are humans. We have real emotion. Tough problems. Bad relationships. Everything is not okay most of the time. But that's okay.)

It's hard to pick out just one moment that serves as proof that everything is going to be okay.

The day you wake up and that dull ache in your heart has disappeared.
Or maybe the day you can look yourself in the mirror convinced that you are beautiful and worthy.
Or day you delete his phone number.
The day you stand up to someone who really hurt you.
The day you plan a trip halfway across the country because it's the one thing that you can look forward to: an escape.
The day you decide on grad school.
The day you realize you really mean your response to someone asking how you are ("good").
The day you trust someone to tell them about the junk in your life and know they will listen.
The day you write an angry letter to someone who hurt you... then rip it up and never show them.
The day you climb to the top of a huge mountain. Your legs are burning and shaking and sweat is dripping down your to your neck and drenching your shirt... but you reach the top and look down at where you came from and contemplate the struggle it took for you to get where you are. That's when you know everything is going to be okay. Because it always is.

I don't know what I used "you" in all those examples. "I" seemed too personal. Maybe the day I know everything is going to be okay is when I can use "I" in those statements without feeling exposed and vulnerable and awkward.



Maybe in the middle of everything is not okay isn't a bad place to be. It's what actually makes me the strongest. It builds character. It teaches me lessons. It shows me who my good friends are. It shows me who I am, by how I react to stressful situations and react when everything is not okay. It forces me to move on, whether I'm ready or not. Life goes on without us. Work doesn't care if things are "okay" or not in our lives; we're still expected to perform.

Everything is not okay is when the world is whispering to me, "Drag yourself out of bed, get ready, and smile. It's what is expected of you. It's "not okay" that you messed up so badly, or that he really hurt you, or that she said those awful things to you... but there's nothing you can do to change that. Just focus on yourself. You can only control your attitude and how you react to everything is not okay. Fine. Dwell on it for a while, but realize that you're learning something from this. Come on. Get up. Everyone's waiting. Everything will be okay."

I hate that.