Day Nineteen: snow day. new necklaces. crepes. healing.

This evening has consisted of the following:
-SNOW DAY!!!!!
-Necklace making
-Grocery shopping
-Singing "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal at the top of our lungs
-Trying to figure out why the internet AND the internet on my phone aren't working
-Updating grades
-Crepes and nutella
-A little guitar

I like list-making. Have you noticed? 

Here are the necklaces I made. I've been loving these big, tribal-looking pendants lately. And bright colors.

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Writing Challenge Day 19
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.


Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? 

I think this is a theme of my life lately. Healing from relationships. Healing from hurtful friendships. Healing from unrealistic expectations of myself.

I haven't been good at healing. I put hurtful feelings aside and pretend to move on... but then there are unresolved issues that inevitably pop back into my life later. Currently, I'm learning to deal with things as they come. Usually this means confronting people to talk and have closure. It might mean cutting off a relationship or friendship that I know isn't right or fair. It's usually easier for things to suck right away than to put it off and try to heal later, like I usually did. It would be like picking off a scab that's been sitting for weeks and almost healed... It's better just to let it heal when the hurt happens.

I'm definitely not a "sudden" healer. I overanalyze and overthink things. It bothers me to know that someone might be mad or upset with me. It bothers me to know that I might not be perfect. I dwell on things. I get hurt easily... because I used to trust easily. I don't anymore. Not that that's necessarily a good thing. I'm a lot more guarded. It's the only way I can protect my heart - being careful who I trust with it. I have trusted certain people who I thought would never hurt me in the ways they did, and I've gotten slapped in the face with it. I'm not proud of that. It's just the truth.

I think the biggest way I'd like to see healing this year is to love myself and not have such high expectations of myself. Know that it's okay to mess up. Love my imperfections. Don't dwell on things. Heal completely from stupid relationships and stupid decisions I've made this year. Ugh.

I don't know if this will make sense, but I think I need healing in the way that I receive love/need to be loved. I am such an "affirmation" person. I like to be told what I'm doing well. I like verbal encouragement. I like getting little notes, texts, and phone calls. Nothing expensive, just thoughtful. That's what I thrive on... but I also realize that it's not only (sometimes) unrealistic, but unhealthy. Now, I think in my close friendships, my friends have learned that I feel love in this way. It's how I show love, too. I love writing letters, getting little gifts together, or anything to show someone I'm thinking about him/her. It's discouraging to me to be in a relationship or friendship when the other person doesn't understand that. It's not their fault, and it's not their responsibility to keep me fulfilled through that type of affirmation... but it's really hard to me to feel okay in those circumstances. So I guess healing in the fact that I should need affirmation to be loved. But maybe it's okay to have those expectations? I just shouldn't need to to feel fulfilled. I should be able to be okay without it.