Day Fifteen: blazers. losing my memory in five minutes. tortilla soup.

There is a sale right now at J Crew. Go immediately and buy some things.
Here are a few things I got:

Okay, see that blazer on the left? Originally $198. Marked down to $70. PLUS 40% off of that. And free shipping! The other blazer was 40% off of $40. Originally something way more expensive. I have been loving wearing blazers lately. The only downside is I can't wear them with jeans to work. These two are knit/jersey blazers, so they're still structured, but more flexible than most "normal" blazers would be. I also bought some other things... Maybe I will do a "J Crew piece a day" post for a while and show you how I wore them.

Random thoughts:
-I don't really enjoy blood work. I boxed a guy out this morning because I went to get some done before school today. It opened at 7 am. I usually get to school at 6:35 or 6:45 am. They don't take appointments. It stressed me out because I knew I would be to school later than I wanted to be... and I knew I needed to be the first one in there. It was probably pretty funny to watch. I was half speedwalking and half running to the door to get there before him. In the snow. With my leggings and booties. No one else in sight.
-I like tortilla soup a lot. I just made some for dinner.
-I have about 200 essays to grade this weekend.
-My birthday is in 6 days!
-I have been wearing this un-hooded sweatshirt (noodie, as my students say...ha) nonstop for like 3 days when I get home from school. It's so comfy.
-My guitar case is sitting in front of my right now. I just brought it back to my house here. I need to play it.
-I need to finish learning Italian.

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Writing Challenge Day 15
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.


5 Minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. 

Standing at the top of Hurricane Pass in the Grand Tetons. How blue the water was at Lake Louise, Morraine Lake, and Emerald Lake in Canada. Being able to walk to the beach from my house. Friends who visit from far away places. Chopping my hair. Post-conferences teacher hangouts. Being able to teach Creative Writing. Trips to Chicago to visit my BFF. Going sailing. Renting a mansion in Charlevoix for a week. Road trip to Wyoming (the state). Getting mono :( "Last Prom on Earth" for NYE. Chaperoning homecoming. Wednesday night dinners. Fights in my classroom during student teaching. Horse and carriage rides. Stargazing. Having art open houses with Shay. Beating the senior boys in student v. teacher Powderpuff volleyball. Mumford and Sons. New DSLR camera. Good bands at Founders and Holiday. Short Circle/small group at Mars Hill. Break ups. Good dates. Interviewing over the phone in the middle of my backpacking trips. The first day Beth and I moved into our house and the power went out. Taking the lantern to the beach and swinging. Reconnecting with old friends. Selling jewelry at art shows. Lots of new boots. Heartache. Strength. Charlie's cabin/seadooing. Mock Rock. Vegetarian cookbooks and sprout growing. Blasting Arcade Fire in the car. Hiking/hiking/hiking. Painting, Olga's, and lightning bugs at Reed's Lake. Playing games with family at Christmas. 5 year reunion. Candles. Getting caught in a thunder/hail storm on the top of a mountain. Marmots. "Skydiving." Growth. Renewal.


PS:
This is pretty entertaining. It has to do with colors and photography. Try it. (:

Day Fourteen: appreciating alone time. burning out. candles and yoga and ocean sounds.

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Writing Challenge Day 14
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.

Appreciate. What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?


Alone time:
Sitting by myself.
Lighting candles.
Listening to ocean waves/spring rain/white noise.
Journaling.
Time with God.
Saying no to plans sometimes.
A Friday night in.
Drinking chai/tea/coffee.
Yoga.
Good workout.
Writing.
Painting.
Creating.
Sweatpants.
No makeup.
Ponytail.


If you knew me in college, you probably knew me as social. I could not function alone. I didn't like the silence or the time to think.

I.
need.
people.

I need affirmation and hugs and friends and good conversations. In college, I had no balance. I didn't say no to plans because I love hanging out with people. New coffee dates. Dinner. Art nights. Cooking together. Anything.

finding time to skateboard (:

In college, I couldn't even study alone. I had to have friends go to Kirkhof or the library or someone's house and we'd sit... with a movie on in the background, good snacks, good music, and conversation. All with our laptops and textbooks and papers spread everywhere. I love this. They are some of the best memories I have from college. Sleepovers in the "penthouse" in the library during exam week. Pulling all-nighters trying to finish a unit plan for Ed 310 or a 20 page Sociology paper. Staying up way too late because we were laying in the grass on blankets stargazing and talking.

presenting at ECWCA (writing center conferences)

Now, I think I'm starting to pull away from that. I'm undecided whether or not I like that. I live far enough away from most of my friends that I only seem them every few weeks. I'm so exhausted from a week of teaching that it's hard for me to fathom making plans on Friday nights. I would rather go to bed at 8. Usually, that doesn't happen... but I have learned to appreciate time alone and time to relax.

Younglife girls!

I am really good at burning myself out. In fact, I would say I'm a pro. I was like that in high school, too. I liked to be involved in everything: sports, musicals, Peer Listening, work, clubs, camps, Younglife, etc. I always got my work done, but I always have stuff after school until at least 6-7 pm. On top of all that, I somehow found time to have fun with friends. I think I was constantly exhausted. I didn't care.

Ballroom dance

I was the same way in college (except not freshman year). I had to balance working at the Writing Center, a full class load, rec sports, working out, being a Younglife leader, being a Campus Ministry student leader, mission trips, small groups, church, Springhill, clubs, my jewelry business, boyfriends, art projects... and I loved every second of it. Honestly. By my 5th year, I think I was ready to move on. Probably because I felt burned out. Now I miss it.




I think if I would have learned, in college, to appreciate alone time and time to relax, I would have been a little happier. Not that I wasn't happy. I was just trying to cram way too much into each day. I see that now. But I don't regret a second of it. I think I fit as much as I could into my college experience, even if I DID burn myself out.

I am getting better at doing things for myself. Finding time to paint. Cramming a yoga session in even when I want to go to bed. Making myself tea during my planning hour. Little things. So I appreciate finding a balance.

But if you called me and asked me to start an art project with you or have a dinner party or come stargaze at 10 pm when the weather's warm... I'm not going to say no. (:

Day Thirteen: backpacking europe. lyrical dance. guitar playing.

i should really be in bed, since i spent a good portion of the afternoon/evening at urgent care and i should be sleeping right now... but i will sleep once i've finished this.

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Writing Challenge Day 13
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.

Action. When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step? 

[goal]: backpack through Europe  ---> [action]: finish the 498 page Google Doc that I started (complete with budget information, sample itineraries, popular destinations, and interviews from people who have gone already). i am such a planner. sometimes it bothers me. maybe i just need to go.

[goal]: be better at guitar  ---> [action]: practice. obviously. Lindsey and I are going to this weekend (: i also want to buy my ukulele ASAP.

[goal]:  get a bunny. ---> [action]: research more about animal rescue places. take a trip. buy bunny supplies. get bunny.

[goal]:  read more for fun. ---> [action]: schedule time for reading. make myself do it. buy books on my new e-reader.

[goal]:  (someday) move to California. ---> [action]: visit. research. apply. surf during summers in MI so i'm really good when i move there. (:

[goal]: start a boutique. ---> [action]: meet with GROW. make a plan. sketch logos. find a space. find a rich business man or two to invest/support it.

[goal]: dance.  ---> [action]: look up classes (contemporary/lyrical/modern). sign up. pay. dance. i would be content with finding a guy to ballroom dance with. i miss ballroom.

[goal]:  yoga. ---> [action]: buy a DVD. sign up for a class. use the DVD's i already have.

[goal]: write a book.  ---> [action]: carry a journal around and write down ideas. write in spare time. write any time. that's step one, at least.

[goal]: like more foods.  ---> [action]: try more foods. go to restaurants and order things i wouldn't normally order. cook more with friends. have creative dinner parties.

[goal]: travel to other countries and import goods. meet artisans. hear their stories. sell their goods/jewelry back in the U.S. ---> [action]: get connected with an existing company that does this (10,000 villages). join a group. volunteer. get to other countries somehow.


I think part of my problem is that I have too many things I want to do. Usually, I'll start one project and then switch my focus. For example, I researched dance studios yesterday for about 2 hours. After not finding the classes I really wanted, now I feel like coming back to that stresses me out. I can't explain it. I don't know what else I can find about it, so I'll give up for a while and come back to it later. I hate that I know this about myself. I just need to start one thing and get it done.

Day Twelve: Self image. Homeless men. Living in your heart.

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Writing Challenge Day 12
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.


Body Integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

 I don't really like this prompt. Or understand it. But I think my answer to the time I felt most alive this year would also apply to this prompt, so, instead, here are my random thoughts:

Thought #1: What does body integration mean? When I think of the phrase "body integration," I think of

having a
mind, ph
ysical bo
dy, and s
pirit that
are comp
letely ali
gned......

You know what else I think about a lot? How it's so weird that we come into this life and receive these bodies that seem almost completely random.

We can't pick our
(natural) hair color,
skin tone,
height,
eye color
metabolism,
genetic makeup...

but we DO have control over our mental and emotional states. We're just expected to have this thing (body) that we receive completely mesh with how our brain works and who we are inside our bodies. I think there's often a disconnect between how we look and how we WANT to look or WANT to be perceived. The disconnect can cause a lot of pain, frustration, and anger. Let's be honest... people judge based on our bodies. Physical appearances. As shallow as it may be, it's true.

Thought #2: Pros and cons of our bodies. I think human bodies are fascinating. I mean, we breathe and blink without even thinking. How cool is that? Our bodies allow us to run, jump, dance, paint, hug, travel... Our bodies can heal and take care of themselves in incredible ways.
But there are so many things that can go wrong.

Ugly diseases.
Cancer.
Sicknesses.
Broken bones.
Accidents.
The entire aging process.

We are judged on our bodies, whether we like it or not. Our intelligence and kindness is not something that is tangible and visible to the people around us. As we get older, our bodies start to deteriorate, and our minds continue to grow. This doesn't make sense. Shouldn't our bodies and minds grow in conjunction with one another? The dilemma of an aging body and a sharper-than-ever mind leaves one trapped in a body that physically is no longer a reliable, capable, or compatible match for the brilliant mind held hostage inside. That's terrifying.

Thought #3: Disconnect continued / Ted Williams

I read a story online the other day (and you've probably heard this) about a homeless man named Ted Williams claiming he has a "golden voice" and wanting to find a job in radio or voiceovers. Here is a short interview with him.
Like I said, the disconnect between our minds and bodies I think has a lot to do with how others perceive us, not how we see ourselves. If you looked at this man, and judged solely on his appearance, you would not expect his voice to sound like it does in that interview; the man, however, knows that's what his voice sounds like and has no trouble believing in that.
We allow the disconnect into our lives through the input of others. We welcome it, really. We ask people for opinions, advice, feedback, criticisms...and even if we don't ask, they come.
"You could never be a basketball player. You're not tall enough."
"You think you're going to be a TV star with that face?"
"Girls can't be engineers. Pick something else."
"He would never date you. He's way more attractive."

Thought #4: What we control
So height. Gender. Appearance. These are all things we can't control. Determination, passion, confidence.... those things a product of our mind and our spirit. Don't ALLOW the disconnect between your mind and your body. If you make up your mind about something, build a wall to protect against the negativity of others. Make it a strong wall... because those comments will find any way possible to seep through, crawl under your skin, make their way to your bloodstream, make a home in the back of your mind... and then it's almost impossible to get them out of your head.

Thought #5: 
If you're happy with what's inside, that shows on the outside. A simple concept. Work on your internal happiness before obsessing with the things you can't control.
"I live in my heart. So it really doesn't matter where my body lives. If I am happy inside, then I live in paradise, no matter where my residence is."

Oh, by the way. Ted got a job. Here's his first commercial voiceover.
(:

Day Eleven: 11 things I don't need. Deadlocks and nose rings.

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Writing Challenge Day 11
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.


11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

 Simplify. That will be a theme of 2011 for me, I think. I have already started the process of simplifying my life by weeding out the people who aren't good for me. There are a lot of other things I need to simplify, though. Naturally, I tend to hang onto things that a lot of people would probably just throw away, because I think I can find a use for it somehow or make it into an art project. It's annoying. Because it probably won't ever happen.

1. My smoothie obsession. I keep forgetting that smoothies still have a lot of sugar in them - even though they are pretty healthy. Boo. But they're so good!

2. Desire for a nose ring (and a dread). I reallyyy, reallyyyy want a nose ring. A hoop, not a stud. It's just not compatible with my job. I have always wanted one dreadlock on the underneath layer of my hair. I think I'm growing out of that one. I still want a nose ring.

3. Ticket stubs/theater and concert playbills. I love collecting these, because when I find them again, it brings back so many memories. Who I was with when I saw the show. How old I was. What we did before/after. It's nostalgic. It's also taking up a ton of space in my closet. Along with notes I have saved from high school. And cards people give me for my birthday. And drawings and pictures campers and students have made for me. Haha. I am such a "words of affirmation" person, so I hang onto this stuff... but I definitely don't need it. I also have a folder of good AIM conversations that I had saved. They are quite entertaining, but again... not needed.

4. British accents. There are some words I say with a British accent without even thinking. Even though my students tell me it's "cute," it should probably go. (:

5. Magazines. I keep lots of magazines because I think I'm going to do some lovely art project or collage with them. Most likely, that's not going to happen. There are also a lot of old clothes and fabrics that I keep because I want to make something out of them eventually, but they take up so much room.

6. Perfectionism. Everything in my life doesn't have to be perfect. I don't always have to be perfect. I can type that, but I really don't believe it. I've been like that my whole life. It's hard to change. I want to be good at everything I do... but not just good, one of the best.

7. Phone numbers. Mostly people who I shouldn't still be still be in contact with, but I want to talk to anyway. Ugh. It's not good for me.

8. Fear of flying. I don't really know how to get rid of that. It's frustrating because I love to travel, and I fly usually a few times a year, but it still terrifies me.

9. Lots of clothes. Especially painting/hair dying clothes, T-shirts, and unmatching socks. These are all kind of separate, but related enough to keep them together. I have lots of sweatpants/shirts that I always wear when I paint (or dye my hair) because I'm not afraid to get them messy. I probably don't need quite as many scrubby and paint-covered clothing items as I have. I also have about 300 T-shirts. I don't wear 90% of them. They're mostly from volleyball teams and camps, Springhill, Younglife, or trips and vacations. Maybe I need to make another T-shirt blanket. I also have two entire bags of socks that don't have a match and I have no idea why I'm hanging onto them

10. Grinding my teeth. Apparently this is how I relieve stress.

11. Make up. Probably not entirely. I am learning to be okay without it, but it's something that I have always struggled with.

I can actually think of quite a few more, but I'll stop there. Make a list for yourself!

Day Ten: Weekly vegan/art dates. Awful neon paintings. Wisdom.

 Today was such a great day. Here is a quick summary: cooking. Paramore. neon paints. huge canvas. snow. chocolate chips. ballet. movies. good phone conversations with my BFF. (:

Here's a great recipe that my friend Lindsey and I made today. We're going to do a weekly vegan and art date. This week was vegan lasagna and painting. Next week is guitar and vegan cookies and some main dish. It makes me so happy. I finally feel like I am doing things for me. I feel more like myself when I have lots of art projects in progress. And now I have a weekly art and cooking date to look forward to!
The recipe took a while to prepare, but it was well worth it. I'll take you through some of the steps, but you can click above to get the whole recipe if you want to try it out.

Most of the ingredients.

Cut or chop onions, carrots, mushrooms.

Drain olives.

Mix olives with spinach and pureed garbanzo beans.

Add sauce to pan (after braising the veggies and adding the onions and spices to the sauce). Lay noodles. Spread garbanzo bean mixture between layers.

Finished product of the food plus painting in progress.

I got a big canvas from Michael's yesterday. I don't normally plan in my head what I want to paint ahead of time, so sometimes (most often) it turns out weird at first. It's hard for me to do art projects over a long period of time, because I want it to look perfect now. It doesn't. My painting looks pretty awful. But I know where I'm going with it and I just need to be patient. I'll keep you guys posted on my progress.

Random thoughts:
-I saw so many great friends this weekend. Good lunch dates, thrifting/antiquing adventures, guacamole making, movie watching, chatting, etc. My heart is full.
-I keep having dreams of travel. Last night, it was Germany and Italy. I accidentally painted something that looked like the German flag on my painting today. It's a sign?
-Artistic people intrigue me. Especially ones who write or play music. I need more of them in my life. They make me feel normal.
-Black Swan is an interesting movie. I would recommend it... really creepy though.


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Writing Challenge Day 10
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.


Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? 
The wisest decision I made... hm. I think I'm sometimes really impulsive about decisions, and sometimes I overanalyze when I make decisions. Even though I don't often make the best decisions (especially, it seems, when it comes to relationships), I have learned not to regret anything. You are who you are because of decisions you've made, relationships you've been in, etc. You would be a totally different person if you made different decisions (ex: where to go to college). I think it's healthy to look back on those decisions and reflect on them, but not to regret them. They make you who you are.
Back to the prompt. The wisest decision I made this year is to be selfish. I know that sounds silly, but I suck at being selfish. I'm constantly thinking about others and how I can make people happy and how I can make their life better. I've been like that my whole life. I don't think it's necessarily a good thing. So now, I'm learning to be selfish. By that, I mean: Taking time for myself. Buying things I want. Saving money for trips I want to go on. Telling mean people I don't want them in my life. Letting guys know that I'm not putting up with crap. Going through phases that I think I needed to go through. (: Doing art projects when I really should be doing something else.
Now, I just feel like I need to learn to be more unreliable. More spontaneous. More reckless. More unpredictable. This is making me sound like a bad person. I'm not. ...It's probably just a phase. (:

Day Nine: Parties. Fashion blogs. Avocados and pomegranates.

So tomorrow will be a good art day... involving painting, cooking, and ballet. I'll post some photos on my blog tomorrow. I'm already excited! In other news, I need to use an pomegranate and an avocado today. Probably for dinner, since I'm going to lunch with a friend. (:

I think I shall stick with the "clothing" theme today. Lately, I've been inspired (mostly thanks to Kayley from Sidewalk Ready - see link to her blog below) to look through fashion blogs and save photos of outfits that I like. You should try it. You obviously don't have to copy the entire outfit exactly, but you can use them as jumping points if you're ever stuck in a rut with what to wear. I know I have days where I put on 7 different outfits and none of them feel like me. Here is a quick survival guide in case you feel uninspired.

5 blogs to check out:
    1.)  Sidewalk Ready - Everyday Fashion
Kayley does a great job of including video tutorials in her posts, hair tips, cute outfits, and style ideas. I'm addicted to her blog.
    2.) Blonde Bedhead
Cute outfits. Crazy shoes. Interesting writing.
    3.) The Daybook
I love her posts about her relationship with her husband. They're super cute. 
    4.) New Dress a Day
She buys dresses from thrift stores and revamps them. It's amazing.
    5.) Lookbook
A staple. Looks from around the world.


4 pieces I love right now:
  

1.) This jacket from Anthropologie. I love a lot of their jackets, but I especially love asymmetry.

  

2.) This dress from Mod Cloth. It's so simple, and you can do a lot of mixing and matching with tights, cardigans, colors, etc.

This cardigan from Francesca's. I love the color and the length. I'm not so sure about the belt.

  

This shirt from J Crew. I have a similar one that I got from Old Navy this year. It's cute with black skinny jeans and accessories.

  


3 stores to visit:
    1.) Francesca's Collection 
    2.) Zara
    3.) Boden

2 shows to watch:
    1.) What Not to Wear (TLC)
    2.) How Do I Look?

1 challenge for you:
    1.) Make a folder on your desktop. Start saving pictures of outfits you love. Model one of your own outfits after one. Let me know how it goes. (: It will really inspire you to wear outfits you never thought you would. For example, Thursday night I spent a good 30 minutes looking at blogs. This is what I wore teaching the next day: Olive green skinny cords, tall black "riding" boots, a black and white patterned shirt, a black blazer, a couple long strings of pearls, a mustard yellow belt.
It might sound really crazy to you, but I think it pulled together alright. I felt like an equestrian all day.

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Writing Challenge Day 9
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.

December 9 – Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans 

This won't be a long post. Bottom 40 is usually the social gathering that is the most memorable. Check out the Facebook page if you want to learn more about it. There are always so many lovely friends there, good music (think Phoenix, Passion Pit, etc.), and a photographer or two.
The most recent Bottom 40 was New Years Eve: The Last Prom on Earth. There was a corsage bar. It was lovely. I think the reason why I love Bottom 40 so much is because there is usually a theme: 80's, Red Out, formal, etc. I like having something to shop for. Like I need an excuse. (:
The second social gathering would have to be Wednesday night dinners. I love planning the menus together, cooking, chatting, venting, and relaxing with some lovely ladies. It helps us get through the week of teaching (: