Here's a question for you. I really want to know your answer. Which one of these is better:
Option A.) Having low expectations in order to avoid disappointment. Everything good that happens then feels like "extra" or "unexpected."
Option B.) Having high expectations // positive thinking, but sometimes you are let down by peple.
Seriously. I am definitely more of a "B" type person. I expect people to think the way I do... and when they don't, I'm disappointed. Maybe you're confused. For example, yesterday I was kind of grumpy because I didn't hear from a lot of people on my birthday that I would expect to hear from. I had these expectations that certain people would call me, but they didn't, and that made me upset. However, what if I just had low expectations, and then I would appreciate the people I did hear from? I don't think it works like that. And my question isn't really just about my birthday, but I've always wondered which is a better "outlook" to embrace.
Your thoughts?
---------------
Writing Challenge Day 21
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.
Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?
2010:
Small Trips:
-Chicago
-Weekends in Charlevoix
-Higgins Lake
-Tiger's Games in Detroit
-Mackinac
Big trips:
-Wyoming: Jackson Hole, Grand Teton National Park backpacking trip
-Montana: Glacier National Park
-Canada: Yoho National Park, Waterton National Park, Jasper National Park, Colombia Icefields, Lake Louise, Morraine Lake, Emerald Lake, etc.
I literally had to go look at my photos saved on my computer, because I felt like I went to California and Pictured Rocks this past year... but that was the year before.
2011:
Realistically: -road trip to California. I NEED this. I want to make a list of places and travel around the U.S. and see them all. We were supposed to last summer, but plans fell through for a number of reasons, and it just didn't feel like the right timing. I feel SO much more strongly about going this summer. Please come with me. I don't want to go alone (: Some of these things on my "realistically" list will be places we could stop on the way out/back. Some of these are places I've already been to, but want to go back. Some are just completely random.
-San Fransisco.
-Sacramento.
-Death Valley.
-Houston.
-Boston.
-Grand Canyon.
-Denver (again)
-Nashville. (again)
-Seattle. (again)
-Portland. (again)
-Maine. (again)
-Disney Mediterranean Cruise. Right, family? We talked about this? It's an option for this summer. That, or other parts of Canada for hiking. I vote cruise this year.
Unrealistically (at least for now):-Italy.
-France.
-Austria during Christmas.
-Lithuania.
-New Zealand.
-Ireland.
-Malta. Only because I dream about it a lot.
I mean, let's be honest. I love any form of traveling. I would not say no to a trip most places... but I especially love the history and architecture and beauty of Europe. I want to go back.
Sometimes, I just stare at maps of the world and think. A lot. About all the places there are in the world and how few of them so many people see in a lifetime. It's crazy that there are cultures with amazing traditions and awesome monuments and landscape and we only see most of them in PICTURES. Don't you just want to hop on a plane and go explore? Take a year off your life and backpack all through Europe? Fly to Miami for an extended weekend just for something different? Plan exotic trips and save your money to make them happen? I want to see how other people live. Learn their traditions. Participate in their culture. Take pictures. Maps fascinate me. I literally could sit for hours and read all the city names and imagine what those places look like, who lives there, and what it would be like to live there. And it really just makes me want to travel even more.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Day Twenty-One: birthday rant. advice to my 14-year-old self. bundt cakes.
Hi. It's my birthday.
I thought I could sneak through work today without a flood of birthday songs or messages, but somehow, my third hour knew and sang happy birthday to me (loudly) for the first part of class. It was kind of cute. Birthdays are weird when you don't see your friends and 90% of the people you see in a day don't know it's your birthday. There's no reason why they should... but sometimes you just want to tell them. Again, I don't know why. You know they're just going to be like, "Happy birthday!" and it will feel artificial; they're saying it only because you just told them. Does this happen to anyone else? Don't you want to just stand up in your office or classroom or (insert place of work here) and scream, "It's my birthday! Everybody should love me today!"
Hahaha. I would never do that. I swear I'm not needy. Now I'm just embarrassing myself. (:
I went out to dinner tonight with my family. My chef brother made me a bundt cake.
One of my students told me I "looked like I walked straight out of J Crew today." Little did she know... most of my outfit is from there. (:
---------------
Writing Challenge Day 21
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.
I thought I could sneak through work today without a flood of birthday songs or messages, but somehow, my third hour knew and sang happy birthday to me (loudly) for the first part of class. It was kind of cute. Birthdays are weird when you don't see your friends and 90% of the people you see in a day don't know it's your birthday. There's no reason why they should... but sometimes you just want to tell them. Again, I don't know why. You know they're just going to be like, "Happy birthday!" and it will feel artificial; they're saying it only because you just told them. Does this happen to anyone else? Don't you want to just stand up in your office or classroom or (insert place of work here) and scream, "It's my birthday! Everybody should love me today!"
Hahaha. I would never do that. I swear I'm not needy. Now I'm just embarrassing myself. (:
I went out to dinner tonight with my family. My chef brother made me a bundt cake.
One of my students told me I "looked like I walked straight out of J Crew today." Little did she know... most of my outfit is from there. (:
---------------
Writing Challenge Day 21
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.
Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)
For the year ahead:
This confuses me. Am I giving myself advice for this year but pretending like I'm 29 and giving the advice? I don't really know what my 29-year-old self would say to me right now. Probably something like, "Stop dating stupid boys." Or maybe, "Take a year off from life and work a random, crazy job in a city on the west coast... like a the vegan food journalist/YMCA nutrition specialist that you were going to be if you didn't get this teaching job." Or, "Don't spend every waking moment planning lessons and making copies and grading so you can get 120 essays back to your students in two days. They can wait. It's fine. Do something for yourself." Or, "You should really get over needing boys to affirm that you're funny/pretty/good enough. That has to come from you." Or, "Save your money more (and don't spend it all at J Crew) so you can go on a sweet trip with your friends who love to travel. And actually plan that trip, don't just talk about it. Plan it. Go buy the plane tickets. Right now." Or, "Do something where you meet more people." Or, "Apply for the Amazing Race." Or, "Go join some crazy non-profit for a few years and promote causes that you care about and dress like a hippie and just love people... that's where your heart is, anyway."
14-year-old self:
// Bonus. This was almost exactly the same assignment I was going to give my Creative Writing class, but we ran out of time before our revisions and portfolios. Ten years ago, I was 14. These are the things I would want to tell my 14-year-old self:
-No one REALLY cares what you look like or wear after high school. Get over it now. Stop buying stuff from Abercrombie. Spend your money on more important things. No, actually... save your money.
-Appreciate your teachers. Not only appreciate them, but take time to write a thank-you note or letter explaining how they've helped you, taught you, encouraged you, or changed you. You have no idea how hard they work.
-Take a makeup lesson. Glitter eyeliner and blue eye shadow does NOT flatter the face. (:
-Be a YL student leader. I don't know why I wasn't.
-Spend more time figuring out what you want to do in your life, so you know after you graduate.
-Take dance classes! I never realized how much I loved dance until college, and now I regret not taking them earlier in my life.
-Balance your obsession with volleyball. School season + AAU in spring + fall travel leagues + 498 summer camps leaves little time for much else.
-Spend time making TRUE friends. Not friends who will date the boy you really like or talk behind your back or hide things from you.
-BE AN EXCHANGE STUDENT!!!
-Take an art class.
-Find a different job than Hungry Howie's. And cleaning office buildings. Ha.
-Don't change for anyone. Be confident in who you are. You will find someone who will love you for that. If they can't, you don't want them in your life anyway.
-Stop being nervous around boys. If you like a boy, make it obvious. Hard to get does NOT WORK.
-Additionally, don't cry over boys. It's high school. These relationships don't matterrr.
-Join more groups (in high school and college). Sleep is overrated. (This might sound ridiculous to some of you, because I definitely have a problem with over-committing. There are a few groups I wish I would have done in high school and college)
-Start learning Italian.
-The best decisions you will make will be to work at Springhill in the summers and be a YL leader during the year.
-Get more consistently plugged in with a youth group at church.
-Stop being obsessed with horses. Or maybe 14 was around the time that I stopped. I think I became obsessed with N Sync at this age.
My life. I feel some of the advice I would give my 14-year-old self is stuff that still applies to me ten years later. Especially "don't cry over boys." And "take an art/dance class."
-Appreciate your teachers. Not only appreciate them, but take time to write a thank-you note or letter explaining how they've helped you, taught you, encouraged you, or changed you. You have no idea how hard they work.
-Take a makeup lesson. Glitter eyeliner and blue eye shadow does NOT flatter the face. (:
-Be a YL student leader. I don't know why I wasn't.
-Spend more time figuring out what you want to do in your life, so you know after you graduate.
-Take dance classes! I never realized how much I loved dance until college, and now I regret not taking them earlier in my life.
-Balance your obsession with volleyball. School season + AAU in spring + fall travel leagues + 498 summer camps leaves little time for much else.
-Spend time making TRUE friends. Not friends who will date the boy you really like or talk behind your back or hide things from you.
-BE AN EXCHANGE STUDENT!!!
-Take an art class.
-Find a different job than Hungry Howie's. And cleaning office buildings. Ha.
-Don't change for anyone. Be confident in who you are. You will find someone who will love you for that. If they can't, you don't want them in your life anyway.
-Stop being nervous around boys. If you like a boy, make it obvious. Hard to get does NOT WORK.
-Additionally, don't cry over boys. It's high school. These relationships don't matterrr.
-Join more groups (in high school and college). Sleep is overrated. (This might sound ridiculous to some of you, because I definitely have a problem with over-committing. There are a few groups I wish I would have done in high school and college)
-Start learning Italian.
-The best decisions you will make will be to work at Springhill in the summers and be a YL leader during the year.
-Get more consistently plugged in with a youth group at church.
-Stop being obsessed with horses. Or maybe 14 was around the time that I stopped. I think I became obsessed with N Sync at this age.
My life. I feel some of the advice I would give my 14-year-old self is stuff that still applies to me ten years later. Especially "don't cry over boys." And "take an art/dance class."
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Day Twenty: 24. to-do lists. avoiding guitar, nice boys, and cleaning my purse.
Our dinner tonight is going to be lovely. Pasta with asparagus, artichoke, tomato, spinach, (maybe) eggplant... tossed in oil. And bread. I'm excited to hang out with some lovely ladies.
Today definitely does not feel like Wednesday, since we had yesterday off. I'm glad it is. I like Wednesdays. American Idol is on tonight. I'm trying to decide if it's worth watching this season.
My birthday is tomorrow. 24 is old. I'm not too excited.
That's a lie. I am excited to see my lovely GR friends on Friday, and to have a delicious catered dinner on Saturday with some co-workers. It will be a great weekend.
I'm still sick. Dislike.
Finally, this song is seriously the story of my year.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22zB6Soc2Gk&ob=av2em
Not even just in one circumstance... but many, many circumstances this year. I know it's super sappy, and I'm not one for country-sounding songs, but I love the lyrics.
// i'm done thinking you would ever change...
i know my heart will never be the same,
but i'm telling myself i'll be okay.
even on my weakest days,
i get a little bit stronger //
---------------
Writing Challenge Day 20
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.
Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)
Wah. I feel like I've answered this in a different prompt.
I'm not a big avoider when it comes to getting things done. I'm a huge list-maker. I love to-do lists. Sometimes, I'll add things to to-do lists that I've already done, just so I can cross them off. Don't pretend like you haven't done that. I LOVE the feeling of getting to the end of a long list. It's something that I started in high school for time management. I definitely did it through college. I NEED to do it at work daily, because there are always so many little things to remember... such as:
-PLC's, faculty meetings, English lab/after school tutoring responsibilities, department meetings, parent meetings, days to stay after with students...
-"Miss, will you pre-transfer me to the library tomorrow? In the North?"
-"Miss, can you read this Creative Writing story by the end of the day and give me feedback?"
-"Can I get a copy of all my missing work?"
-Grading. Paperwork. Copies. Lesson plans.
Yea. To-do lists are necessary.
Things I do usually avoid:
-Updating my website. Creating new necklaces. Just lately... mostly because of time.
-Going to doctors. I've gotten over in the past week, since I've been to like 3 different doctors recently. I usually don't get sick!
-Nice boys. I don't mean to. I'm attracted to mean boys who are jerks. If you are a nice boy and I hang out with you, consider yourself lucky. (: It must mean I think you're pretty cool.
-Cleaning my room. I avoid this until Sundays, then I clean after church before I do any work or grading. It's a routine...ha.
-Grocery shopping, unless I can go with someone. I don't like going alone. I get bored.
-Sorting through things to get rid of. I have lots of stuff I don't need. I want to just donate it.
-Playing my guitar. BOO. I need someone nice to help me get better at bar chords. Barre chords. Whichever you prefer.
-Writing. Again, the time issue. If I had no job, I would write all the time. I'm proud of myself for doing this blog, even though sometimes I want to avoid it.
-Organizing purses/wallets. I caaaan't do it. I can never find stuff, but I dread having to clean out my teaching bag or clutch or purse. Maybe it's because I only eat a half a piece of gum at a time, so there are gum pieces usually floating around and sticking to things. You probably didn't need to know that.
-Big cities/going to Chicago to visit my lovely friend Amber. Chicago used to make me nervous, because it's so huge and it's scary to drive there. However, I did go visit for an extended weekend this past summer and loved it.
Today definitely does not feel like Wednesday, since we had yesterday off. I'm glad it is. I like Wednesdays. American Idol is on tonight. I'm trying to decide if it's worth watching this season.
My birthday is tomorrow. 24 is old. I'm not too excited.
That's a lie. I am excited to see my lovely GR friends on Friday, and to have a delicious catered dinner on Saturday with some co-workers. It will be a great weekend.
I'm still sick. Dislike.
Finally, this song is seriously the story of my year.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22zB6Soc2Gk&ob=av2em
Not even just in one circumstance... but many, many circumstances this year. I know it's super sappy, and I'm not one for country-sounding songs, but I love the lyrics.
// i'm done thinking you would ever change...
i know my heart will never be the same,
but i'm telling myself i'll be okay.
even on my weakest days,
i get a little bit stronger //
---------------
Writing Challenge Day 20
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.
Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)
Wah. I feel like I've answered this in a different prompt.
I'm not a big avoider when it comes to getting things done. I'm a huge list-maker. I love to-do lists. Sometimes, I'll add things to to-do lists that I've already done, just so I can cross them off. Don't pretend like you haven't done that. I LOVE the feeling of getting to the end of a long list. It's something that I started in high school for time management. I definitely did it through college. I NEED to do it at work daily, because there are always so many little things to remember... such as:
-PLC's, faculty meetings, English lab/after school tutoring responsibilities, department meetings, parent meetings, days to stay after with students...
-"Miss, will you pre-transfer me to the library tomorrow? In the North?"
-"Miss, can you read this Creative Writing story by the end of the day and give me feedback?"
-"Can I get a copy of all my missing work?"
-Grading. Paperwork. Copies. Lesson plans.
Yea. To-do lists are necessary.
Things I do usually avoid:
-Updating my website. Creating new necklaces. Just lately... mostly because of time.
-Going to doctors. I've gotten over in the past week, since I've been to like 3 different doctors recently. I usually don't get sick!
-Nice boys. I don't mean to. I'm attracted to mean boys who are jerks. If you are a nice boy and I hang out with you, consider yourself lucky. (: It must mean I think you're pretty cool.
-Cleaning my room. I avoid this until Sundays, then I clean after church before I do any work or grading. It's a routine...ha.
-Grocery shopping, unless I can go with someone. I don't like going alone. I get bored.
-Sorting through things to get rid of. I have lots of stuff I don't need. I want to just donate it.
-Playing my guitar. BOO. I need someone nice to help me get better at bar chords. Barre chords. Whichever you prefer.
-Writing. Again, the time issue. If I had no job, I would write all the time. I'm proud of myself for doing this blog, even though sometimes I want to avoid it.
-Organizing purses/wallets. I caaaan't do it. I can never find stuff, but I dread having to clean out my teaching bag or clutch or purse. Maybe it's because I only eat a half a piece of gum at a time, so there are gum pieces usually floating around and sticking to things. You probably didn't need to know that.
-Big cities/going to Chicago to visit my lovely friend Amber. Chicago used to make me nervous, because it's so huge and it's scary to drive there. However, I did go visit for an extended weekend this past summer and loved it.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Day Nineteen: snow day. new necklaces. crepes. healing.
This evening has consisted of the following:
-SNOW DAY!!!!!
-Necklace making
-Grocery shopping
-Singing "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal at the top of our lungs
-Trying to figure out why the internet AND the internet on my phone aren't working
-Updating grades
-Crepes and nutella
-A little guitar
I like list-making. Have you noticed?
Here are the necklaces I made. I've been loving these big, tribal-looking pendants lately. And bright colors.
---------------
Writing Challenge Day 19
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.
Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?
I think this is a theme of my life lately. Healing from relationships. Healing from hurtful friendships. Healing from unrealistic expectations of myself.
I haven't been good at healing. I put hurtful feelings aside and pretend to move on... but then there are unresolved issues that inevitably pop back into my life later. Currently, I'm learning to deal with things as they come. Usually this means confronting people to talk and have closure. It might mean cutting off a relationship or friendship that I know isn't right or fair. It's usually easier for things to suck right away than to put it off and try to heal later, like I usually did. It would be like picking off a scab that's been sitting for weeks and almost healed... It's better just to let it heal when the hurt happens.
I'm definitely not a "sudden" healer. I overanalyze and overthink things. It bothers me to know that someone might be mad or upset with me. It bothers me to know that I might not be perfect. I dwell on things. I get hurt easily... because I used to trust easily. I don't anymore. Not that that's necessarily a good thing. I'm a lot more guarded. It's the only way I can protect my heart - being careful who I trust with it. I have trusted certain people who I thought would never hurt me in the ways they did, and I've gotten slapped in the face with it. I'm not proud of that. It's just the truth.
I think the biggest way I'd like to see healing this year is to love myself and not have such high expectations of myself. Know that it's okay to mess up. Love my imperfections. Don't dwell on things. Heal completely from stupid relationships and stupid decisions I've made this year. Ugh.
I don't know if this will make sense, but I think I need healing in the way that I receive love/need to be loved. I am such an "affirmation" person. I like to be told what I'm doing well. I like verbal encouragement. I like getting little notes, texts, and phone calls. Nothing expensive, just thoughtful. That's what I thrive on... but I also realize that it's not only (sometimes) unrealistic, but unhealthy. Now, I think in my close friendships, my friends have learned that I feel love in this way. It's how I show love, too. I love writing letters, getting little gifts together, or anything to show someone I'm thinking about him/her. It's discouraging to me to be in a relationship or friendship when the other person doesn't understand that. It's not their fault, and it's not their responsibility to keep me fulfilled through that type of affirmation... but it's really hard to me to feel okay in those circumstances. So I guess healing in the fact that I should need affirmation to be loved. But maybe it's okay to have those expectations? I just shouldn't need to to feel fulfilled. I should be able to be okay without it.
-SNOW DAY!!!!!
-Necklace making
-Grocery shopping
-Singing "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal at the top of our lungs
-Trying to figure out why the internet AND the internet on my phone aren't working
-Updating grades
-Crepes and nutella
-A little guitar
I like list-making. Have you noticed?
Here are the necklaces I made. I've been loving these big, tribal-looking pendants lately. And bright colors.
---------------
Writing Challenge Day 19
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.
Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?
I think this is a theme of my life lately. Healing from relationships. Healing from hurtful friendships. Healing from unrealistic expectations of myself.
I haven't been good at healing. I put hurtful feelings aside and pretend to move on... but then there are unresolved issues that inevitably pop back into my life later. Currently, I'm learning to deal with things as they come. Usually this means confronting people to talk and have closure. It might mean cutting off a relationship or friendship that I know isn't right or fair. It's usually easier for things to suck right away than to put it off and try to heal later, like I usually did. It would be like picking off a scab that's been sitting for weeks and almost healed... It's better just to let it heal when the hurt happens.
I'm definitely not a "sudden" healer. I overanalyze and overthink things. It bothers me to know that someone might be mad or upset with me. It bothers me to know that I might not be perfect. I dwell on things. I get hurt easily... because I used to trust easily. I don't anymore. Not that that's necessarily a good thing. I'm a lot more guarded. It's the only way I can protect my heart - being careful who I trust with it. I have trusted certain people who I thought would never hurt me in the ways they did, and I've gotten slapped in the face with it. I'm not proud of that. It's just the truth.
I think the biggest way I'd like to see healing this year is to love myself and not have such high expectations of myself. Know that it's okay to mess up. Love my imperfections. Don't dwell on things. Heal completely from stupid relationships and stupid decisions I've made this year. Ugh.
I don't know if this will make sense, but I think I need healing in the way that I receive love/need to be loved. I am such an "affirmation" person. I like to be told what I'm doing well. I like verbal encouragement. I like getting little notes, texts, and phone calls. Nothing expensive, just thoughtful. That's what I thrive on... but I also realize that it's not only (sometimes) unrealistic, but unhealthy. Now, I think in my close friendships, my friends have learned that I feel love in this way. It's how I show love, too. I love writing letters, getting little gifts together, or anything to show someone I'm thinking about him/her. It's discouraging to me to be in a relationship or friendship when the other person doesn't understand that. It's not their fault, and it's not their responsibility to keep me fulfilled through that type of affirmation... but it's really hard to me to feel okay in those circumstances. So I guess healing in the fact that I should need affirmation to be loved. But maybe it's okay to have those expectations? I just shouldn't need to to feel fulfilled. I should be able to be okay without it.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Day Eighteen: freezing rain. Bachelor. volleyball matches.
Random thoughts about today:
-I'm happy Bachelor is on. I don't care if you judge me.
-It was really great playing volleyball today with some lovely people. (:
-I like tea during my planning hour. A lot. Especially jasmine/passion fruit tea.
-Why do I have no avocados in the house?
-It is raining right now. Freezing rain. Bleh.
-I think I have overplayed Mumford and Sons. I need a new favorite band.
-There are four months until I can get a new iPhone. My home button doesn't work well. :(
-I want my hair to grow out.
---------------
Writing Challenge Day 18
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.
Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?
There are a lot of things I want to do this year. I guess these are probably similar to things I wanted to do in 2010, but didn't have time/money/motivation/whatever.
1. Take a contemporary/lyrical dance class. I love dance. I am obsessed with "So You Think You Can Dance." NOT Dancing with the Stars. I also kind of want to take another ballroom class.
2. Go do pottery somewhere. Kiln and all.
3. Buy a really nice pair of jeans. Some of these are shallow goals. Oops.
4. Make a list of books I want to read and set a goal number that I'll get through.
I want to do the same with recipes.
5. Join a small group at church. Volunteer.
6. Write a decently long fiction piece just for fun.
7. Make more photo books from trips I've been on.
8. Get rid of stuff that I don't need/use/want. Donate it.
9. Plan a big trip for summer.
10. Buy a ukulele and learn how to play. Write songs. (:
-I'm happy Bachelor is on. I don't care if you judge me.
-It was really great playing volleyball today with some lovely people. (:
-I like tea during my planning hour. A lot. Especially jasmine/passion fruit tea.
-Why do I have no avocados in the house?
-It is raining right now. Freezing rain. Bleh.
-I think I have overplayed Mumford and Sons. I need a new favorite band.
-There are four months until I can get a new iPhone. My home button doesn't work well. :(
-I want my hair to grow out.
---------------
Writing Challenge Day 18
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.
Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?
There are a lot of things I want to do this year. I guess these are probably similar to things I wanted to do in 2010, but didn't have time/money/motivation/whatever.
1. Take a contemporary/lyrical dance class. I love dance. I am obsessed with "So You Think You Can Dance." NOT Dancing with the Stars. I also kind of want to take another ballroom class.
2. Go do pottery somewhere. Kiln and all.
3. Buy a really nice pair of jeans. Some of these are shallow goals. Oops.
4. Make a list of books I want to read and set a goal number that I'll get through.
I want to do the same with recipes.
5. Join a small group at church. Volunteer.
6. Write a decently long fiction piece just for fun.
7. Make more photo books from trips I've been on.
8. Get rid of stuff that I don't need/use/want. Donate it.
9. Plan a big trip for summer.
10. Buy a ukulele and learn how to play. Write songs. (:
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Day Seventeen: Inception confuses me. lessons on resilience. dashboard confessional.
Inception literally makes no sense. I just bought it. I never buy movies, but I liked it a lot in theater. It obviously makes you think. I just feel like I have way more questions than I did the first time. That's probably not true.... but I thought I would understand it more this time.
I just don't get how Cobb and Mal got stuck in limbo for so many years if they weren't using the sedative, because if they died, wouldn't they just wake up? How did they get to limbo in the first place? Whose dream/mind are they in at all the different levels? The person who is "stuck" in that level? How do Cobb and Ellen Page's character get to limbo? Whose projections are all the crazy people who try to kill them throughout the movie? Who is that old man in the beginning/end? Why do the kicks have to be synchronized? And what the heck happens at the very end? Is it a dream?! Is it reality? Ughhh.
Any Inception experts? Help. (:
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Writing Challenge Day 17
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.
Lesson Learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
I feel like these prompts are getting repetitive, because I could write similar things for so many of them. Or maybe that's because there are common themes in the things I'm learning about myself. Or maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something... Maybe that's just the Inception talking. (:
Best thing I learned about myself is that I am resilient. More that I thought I was. I can handle setbacks better than I used to be able to handle them. I never loved change. I liked comfort. In relationships, jobs, classes... but I am starting to embrace change. Even "bad" change. This probably makes no sense to you unless you know a lot about my life.
I'm not needy. I'm pretty independent. I can figure things out on my own, or ask for help if I think I need it. If something crappy happens, I might cry or get angry or fight it... for a while. Then let it go. Resilience. Ability to return to "normal" after being stretched, shaken, challenged...I've learned that I'm getting pretty good at that. I can be put in a pretty awful situation, but still try to figure out what I'm supposed to be learning from it. Sometimes. Sometimes I don't have a clue.
Part of that, I think, is because I'm learning not to get upset about what's out of my control. It helps me get over things faster. I'm also learning to let go of things that aren't good for me. Again...this probably makes no sense unless you really know me. Sorry. It makes sense in my head. (: When I was younger, and something awful happened to me (ie: I got dumped. I got a bad grade. etc.) my mom would tell me that I had one day to be upset and mad about it, then I had to get over it. Well, some things definitely took longer than a day to get over. But the advice helped. You have to learn to move on. If there's nothing you can do to change it, there's no point in dwelling on it. Cry, write angry letters, eat ice cream, and do what you have to do for a day... but then pick up the pieces and get your life back together.
I've also learned that pretending you're over it helps the "moving on" process. Though I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. Sometimes your heart will follow your head's lead. Something I should probably learn in relation to dating.
It reminds me of that song by Dashboard:
I am fairly agile.
I can bend and not break.
I can break and take it with a smile.
And I am so resilient.
I recover quickly.
I'll convince you soon that I am fine.
I miss that band.
I just don't get how Cobb and Mal got stuck in limbo for so many years if they weren't using the sedative, because if they died, wouldn't they just wake up? How did they get to limbo in the first place? Whose dream/mind are they in at all the different levels? The person who is "stuck" in that level? How do Cobb and Ellen Page's character get to limbo? Whose projections are all the crazy people who try to kill them throughout the movie? Who is that old man in the beginning/end? Why do the kicks have to be synchronized? And what the heck happens at the very end? Is it a dream?! Is it reality? Ughhh.
Any Inception experts? Help. (:
---------------
Writing Challenge Day 17
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.
Lesson Learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
I feel like these prompts are getting repetitive, because I could write similar things for so many of them. Or maybe that's because there are common themes in the things I'm learning about myself. Or maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something... Maybe that's just the Inception talking. (:
Best thing I learned about myself is that I am resilient. More that I thought I was. I can handle setbacks better than I used to be able to handle them. I never loved change. I liked comfort. In relationships, jobs, classes... but I am starting to embrace change. Even "bad" change. This probably makes no sense to you unless you know a lot about my life.
I'm not needy. I'm pretty independent. I can figure things out on my own, or ask for help if I think I need it. If something crappy happens, I might cry or get angry or fight it... for a while. Then let it go. Resilience. Ability to return to "normal" after being stretched, shaken, challenged...I've learned that I'm getting pretty good at that. I can be put in a pretty awful situation, but still try to figure out what I'm supposed to be learning from it. Sometimes. Sometimes I don't have a clue.
Part of that, I think, is because I'm learning not to get upset about what's out of my control. It helps me get over things faster. I'm also learning to let go of things that aren't good for me. Again...this probably makes no sense unless you really know me. Sorry. It makes sense in my head. (: When I was younger, and something awful happened to me (ie: I got dumped. I got a bad grade. etc.) my mom would tell me that I had one day to be upset and mad about it, then I had to get over it. Well, some things definitely took longer than a day to get over. But the advice helped. You have to learn to move on. If there's nothing you can do to change it, there's no point in dwelling on it. Cry, write angry letters, eat ice cream, and do what you have to do for a day... but then pick up the pieces and get your life back together.
I've also learned that pretending you're over it helps the "moving on" process. Though I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. Sometimes your heart will follow your head's lead. Something I should probably learn in relation to dating.
It reminds me of that song by Dashboard:
I am fairly agile.
I can bend and not break.
I can break and take it with a smile.
And I am so resilient.
I recover quickly.
I'll convince you soon that I am fine.
I miss that band.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Day Sixteen: goat cheese tarts and coffee fudge. my 10 friend types.
Today I made a delicious new meal that my roommate and I adapted from a few different recipes: Goat Cheese and Asparagus Tarts (with lemon) and Chocolate Coffee Fudge. Honestly, the dinner was probably one of the best dinners I ever remember eating, even compared to things I've ordered at restaurants. The whole time we were eating, we just keep talking about how delicious it was. You should REALLY try it. (: The fudge was SUPER quick and easy to make.
Goat Cheese and Asparagus Tarts:
Bake croissants according to the package. Cook asparagus in 1 inch of water in a frying pan for 3-5 minutes. Sautee spinach and tomato. Once croissants are done, add goat cheese and veggies. Add feta crumbles at top. (We just guessed on amounts for the veggies). In a separate bowl, combine 2 tablespoons olive oil, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon pepper, and 2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice. Stir and then spoon over croissants and veggies. Put everything back in the oven for 8-10 more minutes (until feta starts to melt).
Coffee Chocolate Fudge (half recipe - double ingredients if you wish):
Line 8" x 8" pan with foil. Butter the foil (I know, it sounds gross). In a microwave-safe bowl, combine 1.5 cups chocolate chips (one 12-oz bag), 7 oz condensed milk, 1.5 tablespoons coffee, 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon, a small pinch of salt. Stir. Microwave for 1 minute. Stir until smooth. Add 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract. Put immediately in pan, cover, and refrigerate for 2 hours before eating.
The coffee (if you follow the recipe) is not very noticeable, so I might add 2 or 2.5 tablespoon if you really want the coffee taste. Add 1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts if you wish. I hate nuts in fudge.
---------------
Writing Challenge Day 16
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.
Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world (or friendship) this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?
Hmm. I can't think of one person in particular, but rather my friend group as a whole that has changed my perspective on friendship. Sometimes I think it's weird who stays in your life and who walks out. It seems completely random in some cases. I have a few friends who I wasn't very close with in college, but now we talk all the time. I have some great friends from college who I never speak to. I have people who I have always been consistently close with. It's confusing.
My "friend groups" have taught me that there are multiple friend types. For example:
Group 1: BFF's. The people with whom you feel an instant connection, on many different levels. Maybe it's similar goals, passions, interests, pasts... whatever it is, you connect from the very start and it's a connection that lasts. Many of these people, for me, are ones who don't live in this state, but I still consider them some of my best friends.
Group 2: Fun friends. People that you like to hang out with, but might not talk during the week. They're perfect if you're having a dinner party, game night, whatever... they're entertaining.
Group 3: Dreaming friends. People who have big dreams. Planning people. For me, these friends are people who share my love of travel. We plan trips together. Dream of places to go. Set goals.
Group 4: Re-friends. Friends who you connect with after a period of not talking. I suppose exes could fit into this category, too. Maybe you run into each other after not seeing each other for a while. Maybe it's intentional. Maybe you wonder why you ever lost touch.
Group 5: Tradition friends. Friends who you keep around solely from tradition. Maybe you all frequent the same restaurants or bars on a weekly basis for "catch up" time, but it never goes beyond that. You can have good conversations, but it never seems to make you better friends. Good people. Fun to be around. Stagnant?
Group 6: Artsy friends. Self - explanatory. We write music together, paint, draw, sing... anything creative. It's comfortable working side-by-side on an art project without needing forced conversation.
Group 7: Co-worker friends. They make work so much better. You might not hang out outside of work, but they're sure fun to eat with in the lounge or lead mentor groups with or make pizza dough with. (:
Group 8: Selfish friends. Ones who don't want to talk to you or hang out with you unless something is in it for them. Maybe they call you once a year, and then secretly bring a 20 page paper that they want you to read because they know you worked at a writing center. Not that that's happened to me or anything...
Group 9: Unreliable friends. Friends who constantly want to hang out (AND initiate hanging out), but then "something comes up" constantly. Why do you ask me to hang out if you keep canceling? It's especially frustrating when the cancellation is 10 minutes before proposed hangout time. Ughhh. Weather-related cancellations and certain other situations are excusable, of course. Maybe he was rescuing a puppy or visiting a nursing home.
Group 10: (Boy) friends. This is complicated on many levels. Boyfriends and boy friends. This could include boy friends who are boyfriends but not to you. Boy friends who you find attractive. It's complicated, like I said. Shouldn't there be a combination of the two somehow? Boy friends who are also boyfriends? The complications are when boy friends who think you like them. Or boyfriends who think you don't like them. Or boy friends who lecture you about flirting with every guy. Not that that's happened to me, or anything...
Goat Cheese and Asparagus Tarts:
Bake croissants according to the package. Cook asparagus in 1 inch of water in a frying pan for 3-5 minutes. Sautee spinach and tomato. Once croissants are done, add goat cheese and veggies. Add feta crumbles at top. (We just guessed on amounts for the veggies). In a separate bowl, combine 2 tablespoons olive oil, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon pepper, and 2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice. Stir and then spoon over croissants and veggies. Put everything back in the oven for 8-10 more minutes (until feta starts to melt).
Coffee Chocolate Fudge (half recipe - double ingredients if you wish):
Line 8" x 8" pan with foil. Butter the foil (I know, it sounds gross). In a microwave-safe bowl, combine 1.5 cups chocolate chips (one 12-oz bag), 7 oz condensed milk, 1.5 tablespoons coffee, 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon, a small pinch of salt. Stir. Microwave for 1 minute. Stir until smooth. Add 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract. Put immediately in pan, cover, and refrigerate for 2 hours before eating.
The coffee (if you follow the recipe) is not very noticeable, so I might add 2 or 2.5 tablespoon if you really want the coffee taste. Add 1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts if you wish. I hate nuts in fudge.
---------------
Writing Challenge Day 16
I'm doing a 31 day writing challenge, found on the Reverb website, designed to reflect on the past year and look forward to what's to come in 2011.
Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world (or friendship) this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?
Hmm. I can't think of one person in particular, but rather my friend group as a whole that has changed my perspective on friendship. Sometimes I think it's weird who stays in your life and who walks out. It seems completely random in some cases. I have a few friends who I wasn't very close with in college, but now we talk all the time. I have some great friends from college who I never speak to. I have people who I have always been consistently close with. It's confusing.
My "friend groups" have taught me that there are multiple friend types. For example:
Group 1: BFF's. The people with whom you feel an instant connection, on many different levels. Maybe it's similar goals, passions, interests, pasts... whatever it is, you connect from the very start and it's a connection that lasts. Many of these people, for me, are ones who don't live in this state, but I still consider them some of my best friends.
Group 2: Fun friends. People that you like to hang out with, but might not talk during the week. They're perfect if you're having a dinner party, game night, whatever... they're entertaining.
Group 3: Dreaming friends. People who have big dreams. Planning people. For me, these friends are people who share my love of travel. We plan trips together. Dream of places to go. Set goals.
Group 4: Re-friends. Friends who you connect with after a period of not talking. I suppose exes could fit into this category, too. Maybe you run into each other after not seeing each other for a while. Maybe it's intentional. Maybe you wonder why you ever lost touch.
Group 5: Tradition friends. Friends who you keep around solely from tradition. Maybe you all frequent the same restaurants or bars on a weekly basis for "catch up" time, but it never goes beyond that. You can have good conversations, but it never seems to make you better friends. Good people. Fun to be around. Stagnant?
Group 6: Artsy friends. Self - explanatory. We write music together, paint, draw, sing... anything creative. It's comfortable working side-by-side on an art project without needing forced conversation.
Group 7: Co-worker friends. They make work so much better. You might not hang out outside of work, but they're sure fun to eat with in the lounge or lead mentor groups with or make pizza dough with. (:
Group 8: Selfish friends. Ones who don't want to talk to you or hang out with you unless something is in it for them. Maybe they call you once a year, and then secretly bring a 20 page paper that they want you to read because they know you worked at a writing center. Not that that's happened to me or anything...
Group 9: Unreliable friends. Friends who constantly want to hang out (AND initiate hanging out), but then "something comes up" constantly. Why do you ask me to hang out if you keep canceling? It's especially frustrating when the cancellation is 10 minutes before proposed hangout time. Ughhh. Weather-related cancellations and certain other situations are excusable, of course. Maybe he was rescuing a puppy or visiting a nursing home.
Group 10: (Boy) friends. This is complicated on many levels. Boyfriends and boy friends. This could include boy friends who are boyfriends but not to you. Boy friends who you find attractive. It's complicated, like I said. Shouldn't there be a combination of the two somehow? Boy friends who are also boyfriends? The complications are when boy friends who think you like them. Or boyfriends who think you don't like them. Or boy friends who lecture you about flirting with every guy. Not that that's happened to me, or anything...
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